Finally letting it out.

I’m happy and sad at the same time. It’s kind of confusing. Here I am, walking down the street, a smile across my face, laughing with my friends. And here I am, sitting by myself, wondering what in God’s name has made me feel so low.

If this is the definition of bipolar, label me, I don’t care. That entitlement won’t make me feel any better about this. It feels like I don’t appreciate things, but I do. I really really do.

Today I was talking with Kim. And really, you can never force out such deep talks.. they just happen. And today it happened with Kim.

“Kim, I’m so sad. There, I said it. I’ve never really admitted it to anyone, but I really am sad. You know this quote, because I love it so much.. and I always talk about it. ‘But that’s the problem; I can’t feel my life. I look around me and I know so much of it is so good.’ I knew what that quote meant the minute I saw it.. but this week.. I finally understood it. Everything is passing by me so fast, so quickly. It passes by me and I see it, touch it, but I don’t feel it. No matter how hard I try, I can’t feel it. And it frustrates me, because I’ve been given such a good life, and I can’t feel any of it.”

And that was point where I began to cry. And the point where Kim began to cry. Oh, sorry if you don’t want this posted, my love. I just cherish it because it’s the first time those words ever came out of my mouth.