Explaining the unexplainable.

I’m incredibly scared right now. Again. I don’t want to call Ms. Jack and cry to her about what I’m feeling and what’s happening to me, no. I want to write it out and explain to myself how this is all actually going around.

Why am I so unhappy? Why am I so analytical of things? I feel like a clingy girlfriend who watches her boyfriend’s every move and tracks it down. I don’t want to be that. I want to be free willing, and happy. But I’m feeling so wasted right now. I just want to go out, leave, and become someone new. My life isn’t so great right now.

I know for a fact something is coming my way. And when I look at it in the future, I won’t say: “I was over reacting at that point in life.” , no. I know this is big. I will say to myself: “That was a really hard time. I don’t know how I went through it.” Yes, it’s that big.

I feel like crying. But tears won’t spill out. And it frustrates me. I’m getting this heavy feeling in my heart, this tight clenching in my chest. Because it just occurred to me no matter how happy people are around me, how much they try to make me cheer up, I will never be as happy. It’ll be temporary, and once they leave, they take my ‘happiness’ with them, because they brought it for me. This feeling deep down inside me will always overpower the positive energy. I can’t seem to generate my own happiness, but more like fabricate it.

This is truly sad, but I know it’s true: my own happiness is my last priority.

1. xskye liked this
2. coleenguyo liked this
3. streepology liked this
4. bitchiscrazy liked this
5. coleenguyo posted this